This Saturday, August 06, 2005
Tonight seemed to be a long night for me. A lot of considerations. I dun think I can sleep for now. I am having a hard time. *Suffering in silence* weak and helpless. Can anyone lend me a helping hand? I just want to sleep for now to stop thinking things through and torturing myself. Tuck me into bed now. I want to sleep!
5:24 PM
Dear Diary,
There are things which I irk juz like you do. Just let me off for certain things which I do not want to do and not dun feel like doing. I felt the pressure from you to me. There is bound to be misunderstandings-the interpretations of my words and my tone. I cannot help stopping it to happen. I do not feel good for all the things have happened. I do not know how should I express my feelings like this. I felt that there is a change. I dun give egs but I have given in a tiny bit. There is still progression, mind u. It takes time to happen. It takes time from a plant to grow flowers. Both are the same. You felt that I do not understand u and how about myself saying you dun understand abt me. How? Who should understand us? I really do not know. God should answer for that. My apologies seemed no use and yours worked miracle. What is wrong? Fate is playing prank on me again?! I dun wanna cry but I cannot stop it. Crying does not help at all. I explained my part and I heard yours. My sleeping is giving me big problem. I do not know what is happening around me. I think I am someone who does sleepwalking once in a while. Can you imagine I walked into the store, mistaking it as a toilet and I nearly pee? This is serious but no one sees the point. What should I do? I am posed threats instead of reasoning with me. My sis is like this, prejudiced against some people. What should I do to stop her from having this behaviour? I explained, but to no avail. Nobody understands. Everyone has attitude but hers is worse than anybody else. I cannot change her, the way she are, the way she feel, the way she behave and everything of hers. I am juz like any other girl, more vulnerable than they are. I cried out and I dried my tears myself. What is wrong? This is unfair. I think I am being labelled stupid for how much I have put in and sacrificed. I am stupid and LIFE IS STUPID! I am at fault for everything. I caused you to lose touch with outside world, virtual world, friends and everything. I am sorry. You never ask me and I never say I never allow you this and that. I went out with your friends without giving attitude and you go parties alone. Whenever I am with my friends, you gave me tired faces and hinted me the time. I am in a fix. I wish to catch up with my school friends but I chose not to to avoid any conflicts. Can't you see this? i dun seemed to do things right. IN OTHER WORDS, I AM ALWAYS WRONG. I AM WRONG. CAN I BE WRONG FOR THIS TIME? I am not perfect. No one is perfect. I am truly disappointed, upset and......... :-```````
4:32 PM